Each time I've completed the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, I've found that to be true!
Filling in the worksheet has demonstrated to me that I've exaggerated the impact that a person and/or a situation has had on me, and I've focused on the negative ramifications to the exclusion of everything else.
That's not even counting the fact that I've gone on to find myself guilty of the same fault as the other person!
So, by the end of the exercise, my story has fizzled out.
Byron Katie says:
Everything happens FOR you, not TO you.When I first read that statement, it took me by surprise. I went back and re-read it.
But, the more I think about it, the more it resonates with me.
It makes sense to me that everything that's going on around me is supportive to me in some way.
I admit that it's not always apparent to me what the benefits of some "difficulties" are.
However, I've noticed that, since I've adopted the attitude that everything happens FOR me, I've felt a lot more open to waiting and finding out what the benefits are when they're not immediately obvious.
That openness feels much calmer than the knee-jerk reactions that used to be more common in me.
The transformation is amazing.
My judgemental thoughts about the so called problem dissolve, my story about it evaporates, and happiness replaces suffering.
It's hard to describe. As the saying goes, I had to experience it to believe it.
I've found that the process does require some humility. Each time I've completed the worksheet, I've discovered that I have been guilty of the fault that I'd been seeing in someone else. As Katie says, "Forgiveness is the discovery that what you thought happened, didn’t."
However, any price that I've paid has been more than worth it. A few moments of embarrassment quickly have given way to relief and joy.
However, speaking for myself, I find Byron Katie's material the most accessible.
Later edited to add Lao Tzu, author of the Tao Te Ching. I keep Stephen Mitchell's translation on my bedside table, and continually re-read it.
I have done the questionnaire, and have found it enormously supportive.
I was so inspired that I placed an Amazon order for two of Katie's books:
If you want to try Katie's questionnaire yourself, here's a PDF version of The Little Book.
As Katie says, everything you need in order to do what she calls "The Work" is available for free on her website.
With that having been said, I wanted to delve into "The Work" in more depth, so I ordered the books mentioned above.
He said that, whenever choice was in the picture, the ego was involved.
He said that, when the ego stepped aside, there was no choice.
He used the example of a tightrope walker. He said that a tightrope walker never wondered if he should step to the left or to the right.
He said that a person who was Conscious, who was not motivated by the ego, was as clear about the appropriateness of his action as a tightrope walker was about his next step.
I have not yet stepped over that threshold where I am living in Consciousness.
For me there often is doubt about what to do next.
But what I am finding is that I am intervening less and less.
More and more, I am letting things unfold naturally.
I am less inclined to try to rescue situations, to try to persuade people about what they should do, to make decisions on behalf of others, etc.
Since reading Klein's statement about choice, I've noticed the occasions on which I've been faced with choices. I've acknowledged that ego has been involved.
Then I've asked, "Why do I have to decide now?"
More often than not, the answer has been, "I don't have to decide now."
By the way, there is one little qualification to all this.
I don't think Klein was talking about inconsequential decisions, like what flavour of herbal tea to drink. Yes, when I look at my tea containers, I do sometimes ponder, "Will it be mint or chamomile?" At that moment there is a choice, but it's very brief. I just shrug and say, "Well, I had mint last time, so I'll change things up a bit and have chamomile this time."
